Running In Place // (About A ‘Disclosure’)

I have never really been the one to learn the hard way, and it’s not because I refuse to take risks.

No.

This is not about being bold, it’s about sheer blindness.

I wrote this awhile back…

What if I tell you that I don’t have any plans; that I only intend to work hard?

 

Will I still make it then?

I wrote this under the complete notion that if I work hard enough I would be able to attain anything– glory and success. I thought that it didn’t matter what I did as long as I put my heart and soul into it. After all, it is contemporary belief that hard work is the main catalyst to every success story. I was led to believe that what counts the most is your work ethic.  And all of these are true.

But the answer is NO.

The lack of goal setting have only rendered me utterly depleted. It’s like running for miles on a treadmill- not going anywhere. All the time and effort I had invested were almost all for nothing. It seems as if the idea of indirection proved to be more fatal than the act of misdirection. And I have only myself to blame.

Make plans and determine your goals. It’s the only way to make hard work count.

SOTM: Bourgeois by Phoenix

Published

I’ve written countless words in my young lifetime. And sometimes I wonder if it all mattered. I mean if a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. But I believe all this behind-the-scene writing have helped me improve my skill with words. Scribbling behind the shadows, in this quiet side of the Internet, have rendered my backbone enough boldness to stand and knock at the world’s door.

And the world opened its door on me, even just for a brief moment. It gave me a quick glimpse, enough to validate my existence as a writer. It gave me a quick glance what of I could be in this industry. But more so, it made me realize my flaws and uncharacteristic literary habits. It showed me the long road ahead.

I was published.

I was beyond elated. And if I never write a single word again, I can look back and still claim that I was a writer. But I’d like to think that I’ve been this, without any need of publication- I am a writer.

Even if this little accomplishment was made possible by a local community newspaper. This is a start, and I’m on my way now. And even when it gets rough along the way, I will remember that it’s the process that is most fun. The destination is merely a consolation, but I’m aiming for the clouds still.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Brighter Side / Twilight by Ben Howard

Artist

All that I have been doing in my life has lead me to this…

I am an artist.

I can make things. And that’s quite powerful in its own regard.

I used to think that I was just an aspiring writer, I had the simple ability to piece together words to derive meaning. I thought I was just a casual photographer that loved urban cityscape and subtle portraits. I never heard the power of my own spoken word, the influence it holds in a single breath.

Then I came to the realization that…

I am an artist.

I choose my words meticulously, like I choose my friends; I use metaphors and methods to extend the meaning of my musings. I write with sheer purpose and passion like it’s a calling. And my words slash and heal, even though I’m in practice of wielding it.

I have keen eye for design. I see structure and symmetry. My pictures are beyond pre-meal snapshots and shameless selfies. I am not bound by the the frame of the viewfinder, instead I break the rules to enhance images. Instagram has become more than just a gallery of everyday pictures but a reflection myself and my city.

I have started to learn the power of my voice and the power of it. I speak my words with flow and rhythm; emphasis and sheer confidence; control and clarity. My voice asks the critical questions and addresses the details. And I hear it even if you don’t.

I know I have lot more to go through in this artistic journey. But it all starts with this realization.

I am an artist.

SOTM: Never Let You Down by Kanye West feat. Jay Z and J. Ivy

 

2 Years

Been a while. But I’ve always been here.

This blog has been nonexistent for a while.

No words. No sentences. No paragraphs. No narration. No dialogue. No gestures. No details.

But all the while I’ve been learning about each element. I have been collecting stories and realizations. I have been working on myself, as a writer, artist and friend. All this time, I have been here, behind the screen.All this time I have been committed to this humble blog, as I am committed to my words.

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to share to the Internet what I’ve been through. And perhaps, now is the most opportune time.

But for now, I will bask in my little achievement of reaching the 2 year mark.

And for those of you who have read my midnight musings in this silent side of the Internet- thank you. I got nothing but love for all of you.

SOTM: Without by Sampha

Chemistry: Z

I wrote this a little over a year ago.

X and Y

I love my friends to the moon and back. And last year, they both gave me a hard time because they were poles apart. They were a representation of two side. X and Y.

But this summer brought about a compound element between the two. And to this date I can’t determine which factor allowed to them cohabit without friction. I don’t know what changed. Maybe they finally saw what I’ve seen years ago, that they are both stark-raving-bonkers. Or maybe they realized that they share the same degree of madness.

Or that we are all in the same plateau in life.

Because really, we are all just trying to make sense out of everything. And it’s hard when you think about how alone you are in the struggle. Dubai is possessed by sheer sense of temporality. And that’s a hard burden to bear for kids. So in theory, I think the common denominator here is the underlying circumstance of being young and find one’s place in it.

But maybe there’s no real science behind it, and it all boils down to chemistry. Fumes and strong liquids. All I know, is and X and Y are in the same group now and I label them my best friends. I just wish I could’ve stuck around longer to see their reactions.

I miss them.

I miss chemistry.

Z.

SOTM: Sure Thing by Miguel

A Disclosure

What if I tell you that I don’t have any plans; that I only intend to work hard?

 

Will I still make it then?

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Too Much by Drake feat. Sampha

For Family…

My family is here now.

From Dubai to Winnipeg.

For over a year and a half of living away from them, I have learned a lot of things about myself. I realized how it could get so tough without them being near. But now they’re here with me and I’m elated.

I know that we would have to start from the ground up again. And I know there will be times when we would miss Dubai. I know that there will be moments in which we would compare the life we used to live. The struggle is real, now that they are here. But as long as we’re together, I have faith that we will come through in this city.

And if there was ever a time, I felt a great degree of responsibility and challenge, It’s right now that they’re here. I am motivated to to work hard and pick up my own weight. I’m daring myself to learn how walk on my own two feet. Not because I want to show them that I can do my own thing, but because I want help ease the burden.

When they said it was on me to bring them back to the desert. I smiled. Because that became one ultimate goal.

And I’m going do just that. No matter what.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Hold On We’re Going Home by Drake

“You’re Just A Girl”

“You’re just a girl”.

You’re just a little girl. What do you know about the world? What do you know about life? What do you know about love? What do about about anything apart from painting your nails and swooning over little boys?

Nothing, really.

Because, you’re just a girl. And this is the most that you can fathom. But you are something else. You’re not like any of the other girls.

You are not cliche.

You’re an individual. You know what’s right and wrong, from whats good and best. And you can make the right decisions. Your taste in music is impeccable and eclectic, level with sheer sense of meaning. You pay close attention to detail. You are curious about the world, and the people in it. You have dreams, and your dreams have dreams.

You are already, what you are not yet.

You’re just in a phase. You are not little kid, but at the same time not a grown up. You are right in the middle of everything. And I’m telling you that it’s hard right now because high school is kind of shit; all the other kids are shallow and they don’t get you most of the time. You might feel like crying sometimes, but don’t let it get to you. The world is way big, and you will feel lost. But if you see past your short scope, you will find beauty and your place in it. The world is a mean place, and it will make you feel weak. But I am here to tell you, that you are strong like a force of nature. And this world will be yours to own tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

One day I will meet you over coffee, and you won’t be that little girl anymore. You will sit there tough, chin up and independent. You will tell of your many experiences of music and life. And I will remember you then.

“You’re just a girl”.

👑

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Middle Of The Bed by Lucy Rose

A Case Of Post-Euphoric Writing Syndrome

Summer is a great time for many things: running around, basking in the sun, eating out, sleeping late, catching up on some reading. But never writing.

As a young writer, I’ve always felt that writing comes natural to me in mundane moments of slight melancholy. I don’t mean to be morbid. But writing in a pensive mood allows me to focus on life with greater clarity, and it is not the case that I only perceive sad realities. In fact, I am able to recollect a major extent of my happiness and make sense of it.

It’s in the banal state of mind that I find the right words.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about how it’s like to write, and we shared the same sentiments about writing while happy. We both concluded on the latter.

Don’t write in the middle of all the happiness.

Happiness is distracting, and that’s not a bad thing at all! The point is to completely immerse yourself in the distraction. When you are happy, stay with it until it decides to fly away. It’s better to write about happiness than be absent in its presence. All those words can wait, but happiness is a rather impetuous fellow. Go out with your friends. Play video games. Sweat a little. Eat a lot and drink a few. Be happy until you’re not anymore. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t remember most of it, what is important is that you were.

That’s why I am lacking blog posts this summer, I was happy.

But now is the time to write again.

🙂

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Icarus by Bastille

‘The City In The Desert’

Dubai.

You are one great city. And believe me when I tell you that there is nothing like you.

You’re the city in the desert; the breeze in the summer. You built concrete out of sand, and made a home for me. You were honest enough to tell me that I can’t stay forever, that there is a world out there that is waiting for me.

You have introduced me to people that I would have never met elsewhere. And you let them go in front of my eyes to show me that you claimed no citizens only transients- nothing is permanent.

Then you let me go. And I loved you for it.

Thank you for everything. I will write about you until next time.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Tidal Waves by Kenji