I lay awake at night, sometimes. Thinking to myself, questions and answers about life and the world I live in; the people that I encounter; time and moments instilled in my memory. I’d like to think I’m profound, but maybe I’m distressed..
I don’t know.
Certainly, there other things to live for, other aspects of this vast universe worthy of thought. But I’m utterly stumped with this idea that my tiny existence in this massive Earth will cause me to live a life unfulfilled. Unfulfilled because this grand world is too big for my most humble entity to consume. Yet, it’s so easy for reality to eat me up alive.
I believe in God, Jesus. And from what He says, I am not a part of this world. Therefore I should not succumb myself to this land, but to the heavens above. Cliche as it seems, this is a daunting task. To live in Rome but not as a Roman. How can a man live his life and act dead to it?
I’m haunted by this thought that the same immense God is shrinking the world I breathe in. And, I’m in the midst of suffocating like, He doesn’t want me to inhale the air of this abyss until I find myself out of breath, dead. Dead to this world. Is this why he created my essence so miniature compared to the size of this world? Just to show me that I am not capable of experiencing the entirety of this human realm; that I will be quickly exhausted before I even come close to tasting a hint of this Earth?
I wait for the night that I will finally sleep at ease and these thoughts will be alas, laid to rest. Because, my mind is tired and my heart is heavy. This double-standard life is thoroughly depleting.
SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Covet by Beautiful Eulogy