I’m gonna write.
Because I woke up in the middle of night, wearing skinny jeans. And I thought to myself, that life is good.
But damn, I don’t deserve it.
During my absence, a lot of things have happened. Happened too fast, happened all together. It was hard to write, because I felt like I lost myself. I was everywhere and nowhere. Although it seems like a lame attempt to justify my lack of effort on this blog, it’s been really difficult to write. It’s been a really difficult time.
But now, I’m free. And it’s a good night to release these lingering thoughts.
University is the worst roller coaster ride. Damn. I came in this school year with prime optimism and for the life of me, I do not know where it’s gone in the the middle of it all. My academic pursuit for the semester has been awry. More like average. And I hate it with every ounce of my braincells. Average is not my potential, and I refuse to be ‘just’ okay. I want to excel, and I want it so bad. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.
I learned that I can write, but I can’t write great. And that hurts me for some reason. Not because I thought I was great, but because I’m struggling. I’m actually learning how to write, like a baby learning how to talk. It’s funny because I thought I was somehow beyond adequate. Damn.
Amidst the slight academic turmoil, I’m thankful that I survived. I mean, it might not be much but making it through the first semester with some sense of sanity left must count for something. I like that I didn’t give up when I thought it’s near hopeless. Being able to push when things are rough makes me feel a little better about myself. I just hope, I come through next semester.
I miss my family a lot. Especially, this holiday season. It’s a family affair after all. Although being away from them made me grow in some ways, I can’t wait until I can live under the same roof with them again.
Christmas is always tough being at a distance from your loved ones, but it sure does help when they send you to a holiday trip. But then again, it’s all about family at this time of year so it’s hard not to be a bit glum.
I’m happy though, that I’m able to spend the holidays going about Las Vegas and California. The amount of fun I’ve had so far is ridiculous. Not to mention, the New year’s eve I’ll be spending at Disneyland!
I’m beyond blessed. And I don’t deserve it.
But I’ll write about it.
Every single time.