Tag Archives: writing

Running In Place // (About A ‘Disclosure’)

I have never really been the one to learn the hard way, and it’s not because I refuse to take risks.

No.

This is not about being bold, it’s about sheer blindness.

I wrote this awhile back…

What if I tell you that I don’t have any plans; that I only intend to work hard?

 

Will I still make it then?

I wrote this under the complete notion that if I work hard enough I would be able to attain anything– glory and success. I thought that it didn’t matter what I did as long as I put my heart and soul into it. After all, it is contemporary belief that hard work is the main catalyst to every success story. I was led to believe that what counts the most is your work ethic.  And all of these are true.

But the answer is NO.

The lack of goal setting have only rendered me utterly depleted. It’s like running for miles on a treadmill- not going anywhere. All the time and effort I had invested were almost all for nothing. It seems as if the idea of indirection proved to be more fatal than the act of misdirection. And I have only myself to blame.

Make plans and determine your goals. It’s the only way to make hard work count.

SOTM: Bourgeois by Phoenix

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Published

I’ve written countless words in my young lifetime. And sometimes I wonder if it all mattered. I mean if a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. But I believe all this behind-the-scene writing have helped me improve my skill with words. Scribbling behind the shadows, in this quiet side of the Internet, have rendered my backbone enough boldness to stand and knock at the world’s door.

And the world opened its door on me, even just for a brief moment. It gave me a quick glimpse, enough to validate my existence as a writer. It gave me a quick glance what of I could be in this industry. But more so, it made me realize my flaws and uncharacteristic literary habits. It showed me the long road ahead.

I was published.

I was beyond elated. And if I never write a single word again, I can look back and still claim that I was a writer. But I’d like to think that I’ve been this, without any need of publication- I am a writer.

Even if this little accomplishment was made possible by a local community newspaper. This is a start, and I’m on my way now. And even when it gets rough along the way, I will remember that it’s the process that is most fun. The destination is merely a consolation, but I’m aiming for the clouds still.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Brighter Side / Twilight by Ben Howard

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2 Years

Been a while. But I’ve always been here.

This blog has been nonexistent for a while.

No words. No sentences. No paragraphs. No narration. No dialogue. No gestures. No details.

But all the while I’ve been learning about each element. I have been collecting stories and realizations. I have been working on myself, as a writer, artist and friend. All this time, I have been here, behind the screen.All this time I have been committed to this humble blog, as I am committed to my words.

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to share to the Internet what I’ve been through. And perhaps, now is the most opportune time.

But for now, I will bask in my little achievement of reaching the 2 year mark.

And for those of you who have read my midnight musings in this silent side of the Internet- thank you. I got nothing but love for all of you.

SOTM: Without by Sampha

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A Case Of Post-Euphoric Writing Syndrome

Summer is a great time for many things: running around, basking in the sun, eating out, sleeping late, catching up on some reading. But never writing.

As a young writer, I’ve always felt that writing comes natural to me in mundane moments of slight melancholy. I don’t mean to be morbid. But writing in a pensive mood allows me to focus on life with greater clarity, and it is not the case that I only perceive sad realities. In fact, I am able to recollect a major extent of my happiness and make sense of it.

It’s in the banal state of mind that I find the right words.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about how it’s like to write, and we shared the same sentiments about writing while happy. We both concluded on the latter.

Don’t write in the middle of all the happiness.

Happiness is distracting, and that’s not a bad thing at all! The point is to completely immerse yourself in the distraction. When you are happy, stay with it until it decides to fly away. It’s better to write about happiness than be absent in its presence. All those words can wait, but happiness is a rather impetuous fellow. Go out with your friends. Play video games. Sweat a little. Eat a lot and drink a few. Be happy until you’re not anymore. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t remember most of it, what is important is that you were.

That’s why I am lacking blog posts this summer, I was happy.

But now is the time to write again.

🙂

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Icarus by Bastille

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Prodigal Sun

Here it is.

Still unready and unripe for the sun, but here nonetheless.

It’s summer and I have missed writing here. Although, I know it took me a while to find myself back. I’m happy to get away from all the words. Because writing meant I had to make sense of things. Blogging demanded a sort of explanation as to why and how, matters that seemed to elude me. So I stayed away from this medium of expression because I wanted to get lost.

Yes. Lost.

We are all lost by default. Although it is an odd desire to be in a state of indirection, I am afraid this is where I find myself right now. But for what it’s worth, this sense of wandering feels so right. It’s almost as if the lack of purpose gives way for countless possibilities. And the loss of destination seem to open more roads. I feel free.

Not all those who wander are lost, they say.

Summer is the best time to get lost. And hopefulIy, I find myself where the road meets the sun when it all ends.

Indirection not misdirection.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Forever by Haim

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School Bag

I survived my first year of university. And that’s not too shabby at all.

It was hard. Like bricks and rocks and steel and challenge.

Last year, I wrote about university with a certain sense of vigor and naivete, but my recent experience have completely altered my perception of post secondary education. This sphere of academia is so much more than mere technical knowledge. It shows you the person that you are, and could be.

I’m not the one to lie, I struggled the whole time this school year. Every paper and exam took a toll on me. But for whatever struggle I’ve gone through, I’m glad to claim that I have truly ‘learned’. I learned not only by the book, but through experience.

There might have been times in which I’ve thought I can’t do any better, that my effort is at its best and is just not enough. I even found myself at the brink of a meltdown towards the end. But all that is behind me now, at the back of my mind like a school bag.

But now my load is lighter. And I’m packing up clothes and stories.

I’m homebound.

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I Wear Blue

This is about a girl I’ve been meaning to write about..

She wears a red jacket. And her face blushes red from the cold wintry air. Nails are painted red, all chipped and fading. She was red in my eyes, and everything else that was red.

Red is a strong color. And it’s intimidating and distracting.

Like a laser and a feline.

And I’m a goddam scaredy cat.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Book Club by Arkells

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Passion Fruit

This one is about passion.

What is your passion?

Because you can pretty much like anything, and you can do whatever it is that you like until you don’t like it anymore. But passion, that’s something that traverses over one’s superficial preference. It’s a calling.

Circumstances vary like the weather. It could be sunny and it could pour. But whatever the weather, passion remains the same. Passion doesn’t stop when the air is thin and the way up is foggy, it treads on. It’s a reason.

What you love the most could be what could hurt you the most, but it’s also what could love you the most. Passion is a cycle, one that feeds off of itself. It’s a source of worth. A life and death. It’s a purpose.

But passion doesn’t come looking for you. You have to look for it. And it can hide in so many places that you might not even guess. Passion is elusive. But then again no treasure were never buried.

Writing is my passion. And it scares me because it’s the only thing in the world I know that I want to do. No plan B. I can’t think of anything else I can do for a living that would give me the utmost satisfaction. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

It’s funny. I only know because I don’t know.

Maybe, passion is a paradox…

But for the sake of it

Let me write every word with passion.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Gracious

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Failing Harder

Fail harder.

I saw this little adage above awhile back, and for some reason it just stuck to me. Maybe because I found it a little bit too pretentious. Like, seriously? Fail? Harder?

I couldn’t have failed any harder today. I got a godforsaken F in yet another English essay. And you’re telling me to fail harder? I got a D after I got a C, and now an F after that D. So i have been failing harder. Now what?!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to take you literal. I just don’t understand where you can possibly pull that ridiculous wanna-be-inspiring phrase from. Did you actually fail so hard you couldn’t even care anymore? Because I have, and it’s worse than being overtly upset.

You see, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if the act of learning didn’t come at the cost of time, money and effort. But in the academic world, it actually does. So I can’t comprehend what you desire to mean by ‘fail harder’. See, if you prefer to view it in an analogy; it will be like getting sucker punched in the gut and asking for seconds. For what?! So you can ascertain your poor excuse of abdominal strength? Please.

I hate failing.

But I don’t hate it as much as before it finally blows up in my face.

But thank you for opening my eyes to the lies I’ve been feeding myself. To say that I didn’t do my best is false because I have done my best, but only at the last minute. On those final moment where all you can do is lay your heart out. But in terms of putting in a 100% throughout the whole process. No. I haven’t. I only sprint hard at the last leg of a marathon and when I don’t finish, I justify my effort by that last dash of desperation.

No one needs to fail harder. Failure in any form or degree, is all the same.

And it hurts.

But you move on..

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Howe Sounds by Said The Whale

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Letting Loose

Rest for the weary.

Warm beds. Video games. Good food. Basketball. TV. Major zone out.

And it feels so good.

Last week was an all out academic grind. Writing exams and papers all due on the same date. It was exhausting. A two time all-nighter was the hay-maker. I was completely out of it with my mind all over the place. But i managed to crawl out of that week alive. Thank God, thank God.

Having the whole week off is just a blessing. And I used the word ‘blessing’ instead of any other just to point out the its sheer significance. My mind and body was battered. And now to rest, and be relaxed. Damn, it’s a blessing for sure.

Because sometimes you just need to recuperate. Catch your breath then dive right back in..

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Earl Grey Tea by Rizzle Kicks

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