Category Archives: FartML

Failing Harder

Fail harder.

I saw this little adage above awhile back, and for some reason it just stuck to me. Maybe because I found it a little bit too pretentious. Like, seriously? Fail? Harder?

I couldn’t have failed any harder today. I got a godforsaken F in yet another English essay. And you’re telling me to fail harder? I got a D after I got a C, and now an F after that D. So i have been failing harder. Now what?!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to take you literal. I just don’t understand where you can possibly pull that ridiculous wanna-be-inspiring phrase from. Did you actually fail so hard you couldn’t even care anymore? Because I have, and it’s worse than being overtly upset.

You see, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if the act of learning didn’t come at the cost of time, money and effort. But in the academic world, it actually does. So I can’t comprehend what you desire to mean by ‘fail harder’. See, if you prefer to view it in an analogy; it will be like getting sucker punched in the gut and asking for seconds. For what?! So you can ascertain your poor excuse of abdominal strength? Please.

I hate failing.

But I don’t hate it as much as before it finally blows up in my face.

But thank you for opening my eyes to the lies I’ve been feeding myself. To say that I didn’t do my best is false because I have done my best, but only at the last minute. On those final moment where all you can do is lay your heart out. But in terms of putting in a 100% throughout the whole process. No. I haven’t. I only sprint hard at the last leg of a marathon and when I don’t finish, I justify my effort by that last dash of desperation.

No one needs to fail harder. Failure in any form or degree, is all the same.

And it hurts.

But you move on..

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Howe Sounds by Said The Whale

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Loose “Change”

Whoever said shopping is therapeutic must be one hell of a loon.

You see, shopping is not simple as most people think. No. Since money is a problem, anything associated with currency is cursed with cutting consequences. And even when money isn’t the root of the issue, opportunity cost plays with you in a way that you could either lose hard or win hard.

Opportunity cost is a complex paradox.

I went shopping today with a budget of 200 bucks. That’s a lot of gravy to cover a whole new wardrobe. And that’s the goal. But no, indecisive, impulsive, impossible me had to baited into purchasing stuff I don’t currently require.FartML

You know what’s the most annoying thing about shopping? It’s when you sober up from your shopping-slosh upon getting home; you realize that the things you got are not the things you should’ve dumped in the basket. And there’s the part where you justify for yourself the reason why you bought it.


Budgeting cold hard cash is downright difficult. Because money is power. So controlling such a force is a challenge. But we have to admit sometimes that the means to get things do not justify the reason for its acquiring. But it’s the balance of the needs and wants and time and situation that is the foundation of our choice.

And, I’m learning. Learning the hard way. But learning nonetheless.

Changing my lifestyle is a major work in progress. But skyscrapers don’t spring up from the ground. It’s a comprised of concrete layers of decisions. And until I get so close to the sky to make it rain, I’ll save the water when it pours.


SONGOFTHEMOMENT: The Stoop by Little Jackie

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I Plead Guilty..

If there’s a term that can be coined in reference to one’s efforts being considered as complete vain. Then, whatever so called name it presents itself with should not happen to meet me in the dim streets of Portage. Or good heavens, blood will be spilled on the cotton grounds which rests the snow.

But suppose the long arm of the law finds it’s way up my buttocks. I shall confess to Frustration as my leading accomplice. I would testify that its anger inducing influence had lead me to a bloody act of murder concerning the aforementioned victim. Innocent and ill-fated.

I would nonetheless count on my English teacher to serve as a witness for the helpless victim. Upon experiencing an abrupt behavior in class  in cahoots with the aforesaid confederate, Frustration. She will make it a case to attest that her criticism of my 4 paged long essay written in sheer blood-clot and mental sweat have triggered a lack of interest in what she was reciting as to be the exact reason for my written work’s flaws. Then a mentioning of my sharp facial expression depicting serious distemper would be stated; that in my exit, the cold atmosphere effected steam as my subtle ire flares up.

This would conclude the jury to come to a final decision that the suspect, yours truly, is clearly liable for the crime of frustrated homicide. While his associate to the crime at hand transpires to be but a mere figment of imagination; one that came into being upon the denial of efforts made. I would then be sentenced to a reconstruction of the written work from the scraps of identifiable content that remains in the noted essay for a long 5 days and 5 nights, including the weekend. In short, death penalty.



SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Sky Might Fall by Kid Cudi

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