Tag Archives: heart

A Case Of Post-Euphoric Writing Syndrome

Summer is a great time for many things: running around, basking in the sun, eating out, sleeping late, catching up on some reading. But never writing.

As a young writer, I’ve always felt that writing comes natural to me in mundane moments of slight melancholy. I don’t mean to be morbid. But writing in a pensive mood allows me to focus on life with greater clarity, and it is not the case that I only perceive sad realities. In fact, I am able to recollect a major extent of my happiness and make sense of it.

It’s in the banal state of mind that I find the right words.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about how it’s like to write, and we shared the same sentiments about writing while happy. We both concluded on the latter.

Don’t write in the middle of all the happiness.

Happiness is distracting, and that’s not a bad thing at all! The point is to completely immerse yourself in the distraction. When you are happy, stay with it until it decides to fly away. It’s better to write about happiness than be absent in its presence. All those words can wait, but happiness is a rather impetuous fellow. Go out with your friends. Play video games. Sweat a little. Eat a lot and drink a few. Be happy until you’re not anymore. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t remember most of it, what is important is that you were.

That’s why I am lacking blog posts this summer, I was happy.

But now is the time to write again.

🙂

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Icarus by Bastille

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“No Sleep for the Non-Roman”

I lay awake at night, sometimes. Thinking to myself, questions and answers about life and the world I live in; the people that I encounter; time and moments instilled in my memory. I’d like to think I’m profound, but maybe I’m distressed..

Yes. No.

I don’t know.

Certainly, there other things to live for, other aspects of this vast universe worthy of thought. But I’m utterly stumped with this idea that my tiny existence in this massive Earth will cause me to live a life unfulfilled. Unfulfilled because this grand world is too big for my most humble entity to consume. Yet, it’s so easy for reality to eat me up alive.

I believe in God, Jesus. And from what He says, I am not a part of this world. Therefore I should not succumb myself to this land, but to the heavens above. Cliche as it seems, this is a daunting task. To live in Rome but not as a Roman. How can a man live his life and act dead to it?

I’m haunted by this thought that the same immense God is shrinking the world I breathe in. And, I’m in the midst of suffocating like, He doesn’t want me to inhale the air of this abyss until I find myself out of breath, dead. Dead to this world. Is this why he created my essence so miniature compared to the size of this world? Just to show me that I am not capable of experiencing the entirety of this human realm; that I will be quickly exhausted before I even come close to tasting a hint of this Earth?

Damn.

I wait for the night that I will finally sleep at ease and these thoughts will be alas, laid to rest. Because, my mind is tired and my heart is heavy. This double-standard life is thoroughly depleting.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Covet by Beautiful Eulogy

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Referee

I play basketball within its parameters.

That means I compete with my all; addressing every aspect of the game as possible to get a win. And with it comes, exhausting the emotional prerequisites of a perfectly democratic game. Smack talk.

Or maybe, (aggressive) pep talk?

We played a pretty close pick up game tonight. Sprinting end to end; blows to the body. Scratch and claw to win. But as basketball is a team sport. It demands a strong chain made up of 5 players. And if there’s weak link, you weld it with fire. So, you vocalize your hot emotions to repair that. But sometimes it just melts away.

The game implies that you play with emotion. To play it without, is to run an engine with no fuel. But place your foot on the pedal for longer and you start to smoke and spit fire. Out of your own mouth. Doesn’t matter if it’s towards the opponent or your own teammate.

You burn them.

They could choose to ignite a spark in their player. Or they can get burned.

I play basketball within its parameters.

That means I say sorry for whatever happens during the game.

I learned something today: Apologies can be made unto a person. But they have complete freedom to decide on whether to acknowledge it. I thought making amends make a better man. True. But to have a considerable expectation of respect from the recipient, that’s a sort of falsity.

I extended hand for sorry shake. Letting him know, that it everything’s alright, we lost. I was just trying to win. But he looked with my hand with sheer scrutiny, shook his head and rejected my apologetic ways. So I extended my hand onto his chest a bit. And said, “sorry”.

I though it was thorough disrespect. But little did I know, he was just exercising his free will.

I play basketball within it’s parameters.

That means when the game is over. I leave every basketball matter on the court. Frustrations and issues included.

The kid went past us with an older fellow. Seemingly looking his father. The old man exclaimed, “You should play by yourself. Not with a team.” Implying I was hot headed hog, I lost sight. Everything went black.

“At least I can play. Maybe you should teach him sometime.” I said. Pride.

Tempers were flaring at that point of time. And things go out of control when you play with fire.

Him walking away and I, still talking smack. He took a step back.

And he asked angrily, “What you say, kid?”.

“Said nothing sir.” I replied. “It ain’t my fault you’re old and can’t hear sh*t”, I added.

“Disrespectful kid, don’t know how treat your elders”. He yelled.

“Well aren’t you mature, picking a fight with a kid. You should teach your son that, maybe he’ll learn to stand on his own.” I yelled back.

The argument subsided with players pushing back opposing parties. Soon, reality set in. A guilty conscience embraced me.

I play basketball within its parameters.

That means I can play with heart and balls on the court.

It takes a whole heart and balls to do the right thing; to come to someone and admit your mistake. Of course fear and anxiety doubles the struggle. And when you can’t find those two elements. You put your head down.

I saw the old man and the kid at the store nearby as we were having our little water break. The kid eyed me down with the sense of disbelief. While the older fellow kept a straight face. Immune of what had occurred.

Since it didn’t take a while for the realization of the recent incident to kick in. I knew the most appropriate thing to do was apologize. But as I shot glimpses behind my back, I couldn’t muster enough heart not to mention balls to say a thing..

I came home feeling like a loser. Both in life and game.

Damn.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Boasting by Lecrae

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It’s A Tuesday, I Watch My Shows On Tuesdays..

This is how I conquered the love infested day that is Valentines. A good dose of Big Bang Theory marathon. I wonder if today’s particular event had anything to do with my relative urge to binge though. Nonetheless, today has been pretty weird. Like, profoundly baffling.

I cannot specify why exactly..

But if there there was a faint scent of endearment, I think I gasped it; if there was a slight resonance of enchantment, I might have heard it; if there was a quick blur of affection, I could’ve sworn I saw it; if there was a warm breeze of sentiment, God knows I felt it. But I don’t want to consider all of these right now.

It’s nice to know she remembers though.. It’s really nice.

🙂

PS- My nephew shared some of his heart-shaped chocolates with me which inadvertently made me very sick in the hypothalamus. 😦

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Assassin by John Mayer

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Drought

I am a competitor.

I’m not going to front. I’m not the most athletic guy on the squad. I’m not a legitimate scorer. Neither, am I a complete basketball player. The only thing I have is the heart to play hard. I don’t know how far the phrase “die for the ball” can go. But bet your bottom dollar, I’m running away with it every time.

And with the sheer determination to play hard comes the reward of winning. I love winning. I’m not saying I win all the time. But I sure try. I take victory as my prize for each and every effort I make on the court. I could barely care if I don’t get the ball, shoot the ball or miss the ball. All I want is the win. We can talk about numbers all day, but at the end of it all, it’s the letters that count.

I have been win-less for the past 3 ball skirmishes. And, the hefty frustration seems to be beating me down even more. I try not to make excuses in terms of defeat. So I deem even the most viable reasons invalid when it comes to losses. Yeah, sure the other team is bigger and stronger. “Any given Sunday”, bruv. Anyone can win.

And If I would be dubbed as a sore loser, then dub be as prime. But I do understand that one cannot win all games. There will always be a winner and a loser. I just prefer being on the winning side most of the time. Although I don’t believe in moral victories. I do acknowledge the fact that I learned lessons in my losses and it has paid off in the latter games.

This post might seem too very jock-like cocky. But believe me when I say I love this sport so much that I strive to play it the right way with all my best. People often say “it’s just a game, play it and have fun”. But I would argue with that notion, isn’t winning fun too?

I can’t wait for the next time I step my foot on the court. God knows, I’ll be all but ready to run everyone out of the gym.

 

Shout out to Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks who’s having the pinnacle moments of his young career.

I remember watching him come off from Harvard where they spawn lawyers. No one ever thought he was cut out for the big boy league. But seeing him best John Wall, the first pick of the draft, in the Summer League immediately converted me into a believer. But Lin got lost under the radar playing for the Golden State Warriors with a talented back court of  Ellis and Curry. But jump into a season after, he’s now playing the best games of his life. Linsanity.

This is for more Asian talents in the NBA. And more ill conceived Lin puns..

PS- Floyd Mayweather, you might not have lost a bout yet. But hell, you sure damn lost your mind. You don’t see Asians undermining all the black talents in the NBA. Heck, they all even look up to them. Give credit when credit is due, bonehead. Jeremy Lin pray for this fool.

:p

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Falling Star by Kid Cudi, Florence And The Machine (R3K Remix)

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