Tag Archives: blogging

Published

I’ve written countless words in my young lifetime. And sometimes I wonder if it all mattered. I mean if a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. But I believe all this behind-the-scene writing have helped me improve my skill with words. Scribbling behind the shadows, in this quiet side of the Internet, have rendered my backbone enough boldness to stand and knock at the world’s door.

And the world opened its door on me, even just for a brief moment. It gave me a quick glimpse, enough to validate my existence as a writer. It gave me a quick glance what of I could be in this industry. But more so, it made me realize my flaws and uncharacteristic literary habits. It showed me the long road ahead.

I was published.

I was beyond elated. And if I never write a single word again, I can look back and still claim that I was a writer. But I’d like to think that I’ve been this, without any need of publication- I am a writer.

Even if this little accomplishment was made possible by a local community newspaper. This is a start, and I’m on my way now. And even when it gets rough along the way, I will remember that it’s the process that is most fun. The destination is merely a consolation, but I’m aiming for the clouds still.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Brighter Side / Twilight by Ben Howard

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A Case Of Post-Euphoric Writing Syndrome

Summer is a great time for many things: running around, basking in the sun, eating out, sleeping late, catching up on some reading. But never writing.

As a young writer, I’ve always felt that writing comes natural to me in mundane moments of slight melancholy. I don’t mean to be morbid. But writing in a pensive mood allows me to focus on life with greater clarity, and it is not the case that I only perceive sad realities. In fact, I am able to recollect a major extent of my happiness and make sense of it.

It’s in the banal state of mind that I find the right words.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about how it’s like to write, and we shared the same sentiments about writing while happy. We both concluded on the latter.

Don’t write in the middle of all the happiness.

Happiness is distracting, and that’s not a bad thing at all! The point is to completely immerse yourself in the distraction. When you are happy, stay with it until it decides to fly away. It’s better to write about happiness than be absent in its presence. All those words can wait, but happiness is a rather impetuous fellow. Go out with your friends. Play video games. Sweat a little. Eat a lot and drink a few. Be happy until you’re not anymore. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t remember most of it, what is important is that you were.

That’s why I am lacking blog posts this summer, I was happy.

But now is the time to write again.

🙂

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Icarus by Bastille

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Passion Fruit

This one is about passion.

What is your passion?

Because you can pretty much like anything, and you can do whatever it is that you like until you don’t like it anymore. But passion, that’s something that traverses over one’s superficial preference. It’s a calling.

Circumstances vary like the weather. It could be sunny and it could pour. But whatever the weather, passion remains the same. Passion doesn’t stop when the air is thin and the way up is foggy, it treads on. It’s a reason.

What you love the most could be what could hurt you the most, but it’s also what could love you the most. Passion is a cycle, one that feeds off of itself. It’s a source of worth. A life and death. It’s a purpose.

But passion doesn’t come looking for you. You have to look for it. And it can hide in so many places that you might not even guess. Passion is elusive. But then again no treasure were never buried.

Writing is my passion. And it scares me because it’s the only thing in the world I know that I want to do. No plan B. I can’t think of anything else I can do for a living that would give me the utmost satisfaction. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

It’s funny. I only know because I don’t know.

Maybe, passion is a paradox…

But for the sake of it

Let me write every word with passion.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Gracious

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Failing Harder

Fail harder.

I saw this little adage above awhile back, and for some reason it just stuck to me. Maybe because I found it a little bit too pretentious. Like, seriously? Fail? Harder?

I couldn’t have failed any harder today. I got a godforsaken F in yet another English essay. And you’re telling me to fail harder? I got a D after I got a C, and now an F after that D. So i have been failing harder. Now what?!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to take you literal. I just don’t understand where you can possibly pull that ridiculous wanna-be-inspiring phrase from. Did you actually fail so hard you couldn’t even care anymore? Because I have, and it’s worse than being overtly upset.

You see, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if the act of learning didn’t come at the cost of time, money and effort. But in the academic world, it actually does. So I can’t comprehend what you desire to mean by ‘fail harder’. See, if you prefer to view it in an analogy; it will be like getting sucker punched in the gut and asking for seconds. For what?! So you can ascertain your poor excuse of abdominal strength? Please.

I hate failing.

But I don’t hate it as much as before it finally blows up in my face.

But thank you for opening my eyes to the lies I’ve been feeding myself. To say that I didn’t do my best is false because I have done my best, but only at the last minute. On those final moment where all you can do is lay your heart out. But in terms of putting in a 100% throughout the whole process. No. I haven’t. I only sprint hard at the last leg of a marathon and when I don’t finish, I justify my effort by that last dash of desperation.

No one needs to fail harder. Failure in any form or degree, is all the same.

And it hurts.

But you move on..

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Howe Sounds by Said The Whale

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B.

B is for, ‘Back‘. Back in Winnipeg.

B is for, ‘Blizzard‘. Winter atrocity; my cold welcome.

B is for, ‘Average‘. The mark of non-peculiar student.

B is for, ‘Better‘. A goal.

B is for, ‘Bloated‘. Because I ate too much, and gained a lot during my trip.

B is for, ‘Burger‘. In-N-Out, 4×4. Animal. The major suspect above.

B is for, ‘Basketball‘. Exercise.

B is for, ‘Booting‘. The problem I had with my laptop, that caused me to want a Macbook.

B is for, ‘Broke‘. Why I can’t get a Macbook.

B is for, ‘Blog‘. Writing about my trip and life as I know it.

B is for, ‘Ben Howard’. ‘Games in the Dark’.

B is for, ‘Bags‘. The weight under my eyes.

B is for, ‘Bye‘. Only for now.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Me Me My Friend Time by Ben Howard

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The Release

 

I’m gonna write.

Because I woke up in the middle of night, wearing skinny jeans. And I thought to myself, that life is good.

But damn, I don’t deserve it.

During my absence, a lot of things have happened. Happened too fast, happened all together. It was hard to write, because I felt like I lost myself. I was everywhere and nowhere. Although it seems like a lame attempt to justify my lack of effort on this blog, it’s been really difficult to write. It’s been a really difficult time.

But now, I’m free. And it’s a good night to release these lingering thoughts.

***

University is the worst roller coaster ride. Damn. I came in this school year with prime optimism and for the life of me, I do not know where it’s gone in the the middle of it all. My academic pursuit for the semester has been awry. More like average. And I hate it with every ounce of my braincells. Average is not my potential, and I refuse to be ‘just’ okay. I want to excel, and I want it so bad. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

I learned that I can write, but I can’t write great. And that hurts me for some reason. Not because I thought I was great, but because I’m struggling. I’m actually learning how to write, like a baby learning how to talk. It’s funny because I thought I was somehow beyond adequate. Damn.

Amidst the slight academic turmoil, I’m thankful that I survived. I mean, it might not be much but making it through the first semester with some sense of sanity left must count for something. I like that I didn’t give up when I thought it’s near hopeless. Being able to push when things are rough makes me feel a little better about myself. I just hope, I come through next semester.

***

I miss my family a lot. Especially, this holiday season. It’s a family affair after all. Although being away from them made me grow in some ways, I can’t wait until I can live under the same roof with them again.

Christmas is always tough being at a distance from your loved ones, but it sure does help when they send you to a holiday trip. But then again, it’s all about family at this time of year so it’s hard not to be a bit glum.

I’m happy though, that I’m able to spend the holidays going about Las Vegas and California. The amount of fun I’ve had so far is ridiculous. Not to mention, the New year’s eve I’ll be spending at Disneyland!

***

I’m beyond blessed. And I don’t deserve it.

But I’ll write about it.

Every single time.

🙂

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The Beginning

I got a dream, man.

I have a desire to become ‘somebody‘. A person that is molded by knowledge and experience; one that came from scratch like a diamond in the rough, an individual forged by the work ethic and determination. I want to be that kid that came a long way with a humble start; living in his aunt’s basement writing midnight musings about life and, dreams.

I want to be a master of words. Skillfully literal with a sharp tongue but a sharper mind, wielding criticism with compassion like the careful cutting of a scalpel; allowed to kill but able to give life. I want to be sweet and fluent, authentic and true. I want to tame my mouth  like a lion on a leash; mind-control the beast when it wants to devour. I want to be a master of words.

It’s simple a concept. But the process is long and tedious.

And.

It.

Starts.

Now.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Excellent by Propaganda

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Invisible Bicycle

Ever since university started I have been learning how to ride a bicycle. Falling down. Getting up. Slow and steady.

Balanced.

I haven’t had much time to spare some words in this rusty old blog. (It’s a 100 posts old!) It’s either all over my academia or lacking sleep. And it’s been quite difficult for me to recollect and put into literature whatever I have come across to, may it be a new experience or emotion. But whatever.

Every written word is a garden. It starts as a seed, and it blossoms its way through time. As a writer, I can’t manipulate the growth of my words. I can only wait for it. But when it reaches it’s point of ripeness and I don’t harvest it, it will rot. And for a writer, such is the struggle. It’s all about the timing.

My thoughts remained preserved even during my absence. But then again, I do not know for how long. So I will write until my mind is exhausted and my fingers are numb. Because as person who talks to a virtual wind, I have been silent for quite too long.

I have gathered different stories and silly little theories; found enlightenment in the lonely gutters of introspect. I have experienced moments of happiness but is constantly eluded by joy. And I can’t wait to take it all out of me again.

Make me.

Transparent.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Real Talk by Bloc Party

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt. 3

I’m tip-toes away from an inevitable end to summer, but it’s been glorious every step of the way. As always, a mighty finale is without a grand exit. And that’s why the last sunny stretch of my holidays have been most awesome, because it’s always the final impression that sticks out maybe even more than the first one.

Highlights and credits, rolling in. Now.

  • Rooftops are made for friends“. Hung out at my friend’s rooftop overlooking the surreal sunset of Dubai. It was moment of sentiment. Friends, sundown and photographs- it’s cliche. (Shout out to fellow blogger, Renee! Keep on writing.)
  • Walkouts and waterworks. When my dad (Happy belated birthday, Pa!) said “You’ll be leaving soon..”. Thoughts came down like a waterfall; current so strong, can’t even swim out of it. And in a room full of people, my eyes started to water. Damn. So I stormed out before it rained.
  • Three days‘. My last three days in Dubai, my folks took me out every single night. Eating, shopping, loving. It was the highest (and longest) level of fun I’ve had all through out my stay. And knowing that I’ll be making my exit soon made me appreciate every single second of it.
  • Sendoff. Saturation point of happiness. Utter sadness.
  • Touchdown Toronto. Ten days worth of fun distraction. Toronto is a thoroughly immense experience. Big city, bigger people. Daylight busy bodies; nights that walk on its own. Diverse. Downtown buzzing with different people; passing each other, going every direction and up.
  • Reunions. I met up with my good triad of friends at Toronto after 5 long lifetimes. They took me in and around the city which was super sublime. Had plenty of time to catch up and know who they are now. It’s funny how people grow. I had such a grand time.
  • Friendly ‘Nosebleed‘. Had the opportunity to meet some neat people down at Ontario. A wicked bunch who knows how to make a complete riot. Actualizing awkward atmospheres with ample absurdity to ridiculous Filipino accents. Major laughing fits.
  • Winnipeg welcoming. Landed back on Peg City to be received by three nutty naughty boys along with my Aunt. It felt weird to be back- back in my room, back in this timezone, back to work. Damn. But there’s still a tad bit of summer left in Winnipeg, so I’m chasing until it’s gone.
  • ‘One with the univers-ity’. All set for this year’s academic endeavor. Bring it, man. Full load and everything, I’ll be scratching my head, biting my nails until I get you.
  • Continuum. I made post-summer plans. And I’m excited!

So this is the last of  ‘A Sunny Evaluation’. Stay tune though, and see if I managed to accomplish any of my summer goals. (This should be interesting..) But for now, these are things that came to occur during the last leg of summer. It’s been, without a hint of doubt, an amazing one.

🙂

I know I’ve been away or quite sometime. It’s been hard to write for a while and I figured I needed a breather; lighten the baggage I’m carrying and wait until my being can already muster enough words. But more importantly, I’m back.

Back.

Regular blogging. Here. We. Go.

A Sunny Evaluation Pt.2

PS- Hello, Twitter world aliens! I write sometimes.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Roll For The Sun Part 2 by Courts

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt.1

It’s been a good month of vacationing. Hanging out, eating, loitering, not writing.. It’s all swell and good. But not really the optimum productivity level I was hoping for. It’s that goddam ‘Summer Paradox’ I tell you!

Although my first month has been a good time to catch up with my folks, I wasn’t really able to keep a lay-low after telling a handful of people about my arrival. I could just imagined if I announced it. But just to give you a early overview of my holidays. Here’s what’s been up:

  • La Familia is the same and will always stay the same. It was as if it was just yesterday when me and my folks picked up our last conversation. And if you think we’ve grown apart, you’d be damn wrong. Talking to these guys is like a discourse of sheer clarity.
  • Good eats! From home cooked meals to fancy joints. Not to mention a bucket of KFC. I’ve enjoyed loads of fine flavored foods this past month. And yes, I am eating rice on a daily basis.
  • No workout. Fat.
  • Dusty dribbles. They have a good bunch of ballers down at them sandy asphalt courts. Boys who’ve got a winning pedigree in their varsity background. I smell blood and competition. I’m so rusty though! Have to step my game up.
  • Spiritual comeback. My climb to the feet of the cross is nearing to its destination. I’ve had much clarity thanks to the people used by God as instruments. Almost there.
  • Money matters. I feel like I’ve shopped like a posh blonde for the lack of a better simile.
  • “Lettuce Ketchup”. I’ve had sometime to catch up with a few close people. And I have to say that I’m very much thankful that these people stayed the same in regards to our friendship. Quick to advise and alert to listen. If there is depth over distance, this should be it.
  • Schoolboy troubles. Thanks to my folks utter nagging to determine my academic pursuits. I’ve had much progress on choosing what major to take and what subjects to sign up for.
  • Tongue-tied Tagalog. Tagalog is the Filipino dialect. One that I’ve grown apart from and is currently re-learning. Not to mention sucking.

The list isn’t as elaborate. Coupled by a lacking on post entries, this is not a detailed summer rundown. I have to admit that I’ve been duped by that sunny phantom named ‘procrastination’. And so, I spent my days not writing.

But like a train that runs on steam. I’ve been thinking. And I’ll be soon to let out the smoke.

PS. I will have to print the lists I’ve written down prior my vacation. I’m gonna have to staple it on my forehead.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: I’ll Be Alright by Passion Pit

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