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Published

I’ve written countless words in my young lifetime. And sometimes I wonder if it all mattered. I mean if a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. But I believe all this behind-the-scene writing have helped me improve my skill with words. Scribbling behind the shadows, in this quiet side of the Internet, have rendered my backbone enough boldness to stand and knock at the world’s door.

And the world opened its door on me, even just for a brief moment. It gave me a quick glimpse, enough to validate my existence as a writer. It gave me a quick glance what of I could be in this industry. But more so, it made me realize my flaws and uncharacteristic literary habits. It showed me the long road ahead.

I was published.

I was beyond elated. And if I never write a single word again, I can look back and still claim that I was a writer. But I’d like to think that I’ve been this, without any need of publication- I am a writer.

Even if this little accomplishment was made possible by a local community newspaper. This is a start, and I’m on my way now. And even when it gets rough along the way, I will remember that it’s the process that is most fun. The destination is merely a consolation, but I’m aiming for the clouds still.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Brighter Side / Twilight by Ben Howard

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2 Years

Been a while. But I’ve always been here.

This blog has been nonexistent for a while.

No words. No sentences. No paragraphs. No narration. No dialogue. No gestures. No details.

But all the while I’ve been learning about each element. I have been collecting stories and realizations. I have been working on myself, as a writer, artist and friend. All this time, I have been here, behind the screen.All this time I have been committed to this humble blog, as I am committed to my words.

I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to share to the Internet what I’ve been through. And perhaps, now is the most opportune time.

But for now, I will bask in my little achievement of reaching the 2 year mark.

And for those of you who have read my midnight musings in this silent side of the Internet- thank you. I got nothing but love for all of you.

SOTM: Without by Sampha

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A Case Of Post-Euphoric Writing Syndrome

Summer is a great time for many things: running around, basking in the sun, eating out, sleeping late, catching up on some reading. But never writing.

As a young writer, I’ve always felt that writing comes natural to me in mundane moments of slight melancholy. I don’t mean to be morbid. But writing in a pensive mood allows me to focus on life with greater clarity, and it is not the case that I only perceive sad realities. In fact, I am able to recollect a major extent of my happiness and make sense of it.

It’s in the banal state of mind that I find the right words.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last summer about how it’s like to write, and we shared the same sentiments about writing while happy. We both concluded on the latter.

Don’t write in the middle of all the happiness.

Happiness is distracting, and that’s not a bad thing at all! The point is to completely immerse yourself in the distraction. When you are happy, stay with it until it decides to fly away. It’s better to write about happiness than be absent in its presence. All those words can wait, but happiness is a rather impetuous fellow. Go out with your friends. Play video games. Sweat a little. Eat a lot and drink a few. Be happy until you’re not anymore. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t remember most of it, what is important is that you were.

That’s why I am lacking blog posts this summer, I was happy.

But now is the time to write again.

🙂

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Icarus by Bastille

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Engineers

I was talking with a friend who is studying to be an engineer. He’s good with numbers and figures. Systematic in nature, and technical in skill. He asks me about my writing? In which I said, I hate it.

***

To hell with writing.

I can’t find the words to express my frustration, but life is being a thorough bitch lately. Pardon my rudeness. It’s just that there is no word fit enough to convey the weight of frustration I feel.

Notice I said that it’s life that’s the problem, but really it’s my goddam writing. Because Life and writing, they’re both the same. At this point in my life, it’s starting to mean almost synonymously. Because this is want I want to do, this is what I want to do..

But is it really about what we want to do, or how good we do something?

Because, I’m tired of all these arrow-like critiques raining down on my morale. It’s exhausting. And I’m exhausted. The process is cruel. No pity for the young and inexperience.They say you learn from your mistakes, but no. You learn that it’s a mistake. The solution though, doesn’t come readily with learning the mistake. You work on it. You take a guess..

And then another mistake.

Literature is a godforsaken blessing at the same note, a goddam curse. Deciphering the meaning in between the lines is like, groping in the dark. Reading cover to cover is a pill that knocks you out. These literary art forms require good eyes, and sharp minds. But damn, I might as well close my eyes and shut my cranium down. Literature is a waste of time.

But this is where I want to be, in the middle of words.

Damn it.

***

Why can’t I be an engineer?

I’m starting to think that numbers make more sense than words.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: —

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Perks Of A Stranger

Sometimes, I think it’s better if you don’t know me..

You see, there is a certain danger to familiarity. Once the veil is lifted, there is only you. Vulnerable.

Easy to figure out. Susceptible to request. Likely to pardon.

“Put your best foot forward”. So they say. People like to put on their best faces, when they meet others for the first time. I do too. But what I’ve come to notice as they start to know you, is they start to loosen up. And soon, when you’re ready, they start to wear their own skin. Naked.

And when you see them as they are, the rough edges of their personalities unveiled; unashamed anymore of who they are. All of this, you have to accept but without any consent. All the things that you don’t know and don’t want to know about them are all suddenly on the table..

But strangers, they are safe. The cloud of mystery in which the hide behind protects them from the monster underneath the skin of a person. The feeling of the unknown makes people careful of what they say or do, aware of how they act; a sense of intimidation that comes with unfamiliarity which compels respect.

And in return, they are easy to forgive. They are uncomplicated and easy to get along with. They don’t bring their problems and issues. And neither do you. No one cares too much.

“No strings attached”.

Strangers see good people. Strangers know no good people.

So maybe, you shouldn’t know me.

Maybe..

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Pieces by Mat Simons

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B.

B is for, ‘Back‘. Back in Winnipeg.

B is for, ‘Blizzard‘. Winter atrocity; my cold welcome.

B is for, ‘Average‘. The mark of non-peculiar student.

B is for, ‘Better‘. A goal.

B is for, ‘Bloated‘. Because I ate too much, and gained a lot during my trip.

B is for, ‘Burger‘. In-N-Out, 4×4. Animal. The major suspect above.

B is for, ‘Basketball‘. Exercise.

B is for, ‘Booting‘. The problem I had with my laptop, that caused me to want a Macbook.

B is for, ‘Broke‘. Why I can’t get a Macbook.

B is for, ‘Blog‘. Writing about my trip and life as I know it.

B is for, ‘Ben Howard’. ‘Games in the Dark’.

B is for, ‘Bags‘. The weight under my eyes.

B is for, ‘Bye‘. Only for now.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Me Me My Friend Time by Ben Howard

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The Beginning

I got a dream, man.

I have a desire to become ‘somebody‘. A person that is molded by knowledge and experience; one that came from scratch like a diamond in the rough, an individual forged by the work ethic and determination. I want to be that kid that came a long way with a humble start; living in his aunt’s basement writing midnight musings about life and, dreams.

I want to be a master of words. Skillfully literal with a sharp tongue but a sharper mind, wielding criticism with compassion like the careful cutting of a scalpel; allowed to kill but able to give life. I want to be sweet and fluent, authentic and true. I want to tame my mouth  like a lion on a leash; mind-control the beast when it wants to devour. I want to be a master of words.

It’s simple a concept. But the process is long and tedious.

And.

It.

Starts.

Now.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Excellent by Propaganda

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Invisible Bicycle

Ever since university started I have been learning how to ride a bicycle. Falling down. Getting up. Slow and steady.

Balanced.

I haven’t had much time to spare some words in this rusty old blog. (It’s a 100 posts old!) It’s either all over my academia or lacking sleep. And it’s been quite difficult for me to recollect and put into literature whatever I have come across to, may it be a new experience or emotion. But whatever.

Every written word is a garden. It starts as a seed, and it blossoms its way through time. As a writer, I can’t manipulate the growth of my words. I can only wait for it. But when it reaches it’s point of ripeness and I don’t harvest it, it will rot. And for a writer, such is the struggle. It’s all about the timing.

My thoughts remained preserved even during my absence. But then again, I do not know for how long. So I will write until my mind is exhausted and my fingers are numb. Because as person who talks to a virtual wind, I have been silent for quite too long.

I have gathered different stories and silly little theories; found enlightenment in the lonely gutters of introspect. I have experienced moments of happiness but is constantly eluded by joy. And I can’t wait to take it all out of me again.

Make me.

Transparent.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Real Talk by Bloc Party

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt. 3

I’m tip-toes away from an inevitable end to summer, but it’s been glorious every step of the way. As always, a mighty finale is without a grand exit. And that’s why the last sunny stretch of my holidays have been most awesome, because it’s always the final impression that sticks out maybe even more than the first one.

Highlights and credits, rolling in. Now.

  • Rooftops are made for friends“. Hung out at my friend’s rooftop overlooking the surreal sunset of Dubai. It was moment of sentiment. Friends, sundown and photographs- it’s cliche. (Shout out to fellow blogger, Renee! Keep on writing.)
  • Walkouts and waterworks. When my dad (Happy belated birthday, Pa!) said “You’ll be leaving soon..”. Thoughts came down like a waterfall; current so strong, can’t even swim out of it. And in a room full of people, my eyes started to water. Damn. So I stormed out before it rained.
  • Three days‘. My last three days in Dubai, my folks took me out every single night. Eating, shopping, loving. It was the highest (and longest) level of fun I’ve had all through out my stay. And knowing that I’ll be making my exit soon made me appreciate every single second of it.
  • Sendoff. Saturation point of happiness. Utter sadness.
  • Touchdown Toronto. Ten days worth of fun distraction. Toronto is a thoroughly immense experience. Big city, bigger people. Daylight busy bodies; nights that walk on its own. Diverse. Downtown buzzing with different people; passing each other, going every direction and up.
  • Reunions. I met up with my good triad of friends at Toronto after 5 long lifetimes. They took me in and around the city which was super sublime. Had plenty of time to catch up and know who they are now. It’s funny how people grow. I had such a grand time.
  • Friendly ‘Nosebleed‘. Had the opportunity to meet some neat people down at Ontario. A wicked bunch who knows how to make a complete riot. Actualizing awkward atmospheres with ample absurdity to ridiculous Filipino accents. Major laughing fits.
  • Winnipeg welcoming. Landed back on Peg City to be received by three nutty naughty boys along with my Aunt. It felt weird to be back- back in my room, back in this timezone, back to work. Damn. But there’s still a tad bit of summer left in Winnipeg, so I’m chasing until it’s gone.
  • ‘One with the univers-ity’. All set for this year’s academic endeavor. Bring it, man. Full load and everything, I’ll be scratching my head, biting my nails until I get you.
  • Continuum. I made post-summer plans. And I’m excited!

So this is the last of  ‘A Sunny Evaluation’. Stay tune though, and see if I managed to accomplish any of my summer goals. (This should be interesting..) But for now, these are things that came to occur during the last leg of summer. It’s been, without a hint of doubt, an amazing one.

🙂

I know I’ve been away or quite sometime. It’s been hard to write for a while and I figured I needed a breather; lighten the baggage I’m carrying and wait until my being can already muster enough words. But more importantly, I’m back.

Back.

Regular blogging. Here. We. Go.

A Sunny Evaluation Pt.2

PS- Hello, Twitter world aliens! I write sometimes.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Roll For The Sun Part 2 by Courts

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt.1

It’s been a good month of vacationing. Hanging out, eating, loitering, not writing.. It’s all swell and good. But not really the optimum productivity level I was hoping for. It’s that goddam ‘Summer Paradox’ I tell you!

Although my first month has been a good time to catch up with my folks, I wasn’t really able to keep a lay-low after telling a handful of people about my arrival. I could just imagined if I announced it. But just to give you a early overview of my holidays. Here’s what’s been up:

  • La Familia is the same and will always stay the same. It was as if it was just yesterday when me and my folks picked up our last conversation. And if you think we’ve grown apart, you’d be damn wrong. Talking to these guys is like a discourse of sheer clarity.
  • Good eats! From home cooked meals to fancy joints. Not to mention a bucket of KFC. I’ve enjoyed loads of fine flavored foods this past month. And yes, I am eating rice on a daily basis.
  • No workout. Fat.
  • Dusty dribbles. They have a good bunch of ballers down at them sandy asphalt courts. Boys who’ve got a winning pedigree in their varsity background. I smell blood and competition. I’m so rusty though! Have to step my game up.
  • Spiritual comeback. My climb to the feet of the cross is nearing to its destination. I’ve had much clarity thanks to the people used by God as instruments. Almost there.
  • Money matters. I feel like I’ve shopped like a posh blonde for the lack of a better simile.
  • “Lettuce Ketchup”. I’ve had sometime to catch up with a few close people. And I have to say that I’m very much thankful that these people stayed the same in regards to our friendship. Quick to advise and alert to listen. If there is depth over distance, this should be it.
  • Schoolboy troubles. Thanks to my folks utter nagging to determine my academic pursuits. I’ve had much progress on choosing what major to take and what subjects to sign up for.
  • Tongue-tied Tagalog. Tagalog is the Filipino dialect. One that I’ve grown apart from and is currently re-learning. Not to mention sucking.

The list isn’t as elaborate. Coupled by a lacking on post entries, this is not a detailed summer rundown. I have to admit that I’ve been duped by that sunny phantom named ‘procrastination’. And so, I spent my days not writing.

But like a train that runs on steam. I’ve been thinking. And I’ll be soon to let out the smoke.

PS. I will have to print the lists I’ve written down prior my vacation. I’m gonna have to staple it on my forehead.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: I’ll Be Alright by Passion Pit

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