Tag Archives: GOD

Debts

Blessed.

I’m tremendously thankful for many things, from the simple to the finer means. Most of the time I find it wayward mental to think that I am where I stand. I don’t deserve anything.

And it’s not a matter exaggeration, it is an understatement.

Really, I do not work. My pleasures are funded by my parents; they put the food on the table, more than we can eat; they pay for my education so I would not worry about any future debt. On top of that, I have an uncle who spoils me like little kid. I don’t even have to ask, I just have to utter them. And I’m grateful beyond anything.

It’s hard to repay something that can’t be counted in currency.

Through it all, it’s about the clothes and the shoes they bought me. It’s not about where I had lunch or what movie I saw at the expense of their pockets. They don’t keep tabs of fiscal value. They expect no payment. Although acts of gratitude can be a start.

I’m afraid I’m not grateful enough. I lack the action to give back the charity I am given. But it is not to say, I am completely ungrateful. I appreciate my blessings like a child to its mum. It’s only because I stop to “thank you”, like these words are enough to show all gratitude. And I am wrong.

I owe these people a debt, I cannot begin to pay. But it never hurts to try.

And to the Man who bought me at the price of his own life, I owe a greater deal. Although I forget that your grace is costly, I will never forget that all has been paid. Blessings and struggles are from you, all the same. But I will be thankful and write about it

.

SOTM: Loud Noises by Yuna

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The Release

 

I’m gonna write.

Because I woke up in the middle of night, wearing skinny jeans. And I thought to myself, that life is good.

But damn, I don’t deserve it.

During my absence, a lot of things have happened. Happened too fast, happened all together. It was hard to write, because I felt like I lost myself. I was everywhere and nowhere. Although it seems like a lame attempt to justify my lack of effort on this blog, it’s been really difficult to write. It’s been a really difficult time.

But now, I’m free. And it’s a good night to release these lingering thoughts.

***

University is the worst roller coaster ride. Damn. I came in this school year with prime optimism and for the life of me, I do not know where it’s gone in the the middle of it all. My academic pursuit for the semester has been awry. More like average. And I hate it with every ounce of my braincells. Average is not my potential, and I refuse to be ‘just’ okay. I want to excel, and I want it so bad. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.

I learned that I can write, but I can’t write great. And that hurts me for some reason. Not because I thought I was great, but because I’m struggling. I’m actually learning how to write, like a baby learning how to talk. It’s funny because I thought I was somehow beyond adequate. Damn.

Amidst the slight academic turmoil, I’m thankful that I survived. I mean, it might not be much but making it through the first semester with some sense of sanity left must count for something. I like that I didn’t give up when I thought it’s near hopeless. Being able to push when things are rough makes me feel a little better about myself. I just hope, I come through next semester.

***

I miss my family a lot. Especially, this holiday season. It’s a family affair after all. Although being away from them made me grow in some ways, I can’t wait until I can live under the same roof with them again.

Christmas is always tough being at a distance from your loved ones, but it sure does help when they send you to a holiday trip. But then again, it’s all about family at this time of year so it’s hard not to be a bit glum.

I’m happy though, that I’m able to spend the holidays going about Las Vegas and California. The amount of fun I’ve had so far is ridiculous. Not to mention, the New year’s eve I’ll be spending at Disneyland!

***

I’m beyond blessed. And I don’t deserve it.

But I’ll write about it.

Every single time.

🙂

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt. 2

Summer flew by quickly as if it were a bright yellow flash. Maybe it’s because of the constant glare of the sun. But it’s been alright I guess. After all, time doesn’t idly by. It wont wait for you to finish your coffee, more so give you time make conversations. So it’s all wise to make the moments count.

Recap, rundown, round up. Here goes..

  • Money magic trick. This is a one of those acts that non-magicians can pull off with their own wallets. It’s not uncommon at all. See something nice, *POOF*. Money gone, pulls out item from a bag. Cue the tossing of loose change.. Please.
  • New admission. I’ve started joining a legit Bible Study at this course of my stay. And I must say, these studies are quite intense. Intentional to the point that I feel like the Gospel singles me out. Nonetheless, it’s all heavenly vibes.
  • X-Box Live. Serious gaming mode: Finally signed up for a Live account and got Battlefield 3. Been a daytime zombie ever since. Not to mention, a major anger management candidate.
  • Losing streak. I’ve managed a mean tally of losses the past few ball games. Frustrating. But this is not an update about how I’m struggling at basketball. It’s just that I’m learning how to get out of some heavy funk. Slowly, steadily.
  • “At the top”. Finally reach the pinnacle viewing spot of Burj Khalifa- The tallest tower on Earth! Definitely a noteworthy experience considering the fact that I’m a complete acrophobic. Well, ‘was’ an acrophobic. Win. Shout out to the Kuwaiti-bunch for sharing the experience!
  • Death by drowning. Damn. I almost died swimming. Made me think about life and all the crap I’ve been doing. Thank you, God for saving me. But next time ward me of the deep end. Thanks.
  • ‘The Friendzone Purgatory’. There should be a post dedicated to my friend who is not my friend right now but still is.
  • Bum. I swear, I regret letting a whole set of days go by without any happenings. Total bummer.
  • Drunk text. So I finally hang out with my ‘other’ friends. Those who choose not to go to church. And that night I sent an SMS to my dad’s old company number, my folks asked me if I got sloshed. Laughed so hard.
  • Countdown. The day that looms ahead. Damn. I will have to count soon. But for now we bask under the sun.

As I’ve mentioned, the day of my departure is to come soon. But I don’t want to burden myself with anxiety for time will come for me anyway. So as long I have my feet on the sand I’ll keep my chin up. And march on wards.

I hope you, reader is having a pleasant summer!

A Sunny Evaluation Pt. 1

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Cry When You Get Older by Robyn

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A Sunny Evaluation Pt.1

It’s been a good month of vacationing. Hanging out, eating, loitering, not writing.. It’s all swell and good. But not really the optimum productivity level I was hoping for. It’s that goddam ‘Summer Paradox’ I tell you!

Although my first month has been a good time to catch up with my folks, I wasn’t really able to keep a lay-low after telling a handful of people about my arrival. I could just imagined if I announced it. But just to give you a early overview of my holidays. Here’s what’s been up:

  • La Familia is the same and will always stay the same. It was as if it was just yesterday when me and my folks picked up our last conversation. And if you think we’ve grown apart, you’d be damn wrong. Talking to these guys is like a discourse of sheer clarity.
  • Good eats! From home cooked meals to fancy joints. Not to mention a bucket of KFC. I’ve enjoyed loads of fine flavored foods this past month. And yes, I am eating rice on a daily basis.
  • No workout. Fat.
  • Dusty dribbles. They have a good bunch of ballers down at them sandy asphalt courts. Boys who’ve got a winning pedigree in their varsity background. I smell blood and competition. I’m so rusty though! Have to step my game up.
  • Spiritual comeback. My climb to the feet of the cross is nearing to its destination. I’ve had much clarity thanks to the people used by God as instruments. Almost there.
  • Money matters. I feel like I’ve shopped like a posh blonde for the lack of a better simile.
  • “Lettuce Ketchup”. I’ve had sometime to catch up with a few close people. And I have to say that I’m very much thankful that these people stayed the same in regards to our friendship. Quick to advise and alert to listen. If there is depth over distance, this should be it.
  • Schoolboy troubles. Thanks to my folks utter nagging to determine my academic pursuits. I’ve had much progress on choosing what major to take and what subjects to sign up for.
  • Tongue-tied Tagalog. Tagalog is the Filipino dialect. One that I’ve grown apart from and is currently re-learning. Not to mention sucking.

The list isn’t as elaborate. Coupled by a lacking on post entries, this is not a detailed summer rundown. I have to admit that I’ve been duped by that sunny phantom named ‘procrastination’. And so, I spent my days not writing.

But like a train that runs on steam. I’ve been thinking. And I’ll be soon to let out the smoke.

PS. I will have to print the lists I’ve written down prior my vacation. I’m gonna have to staple it on my forehead.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: I’ll Be Alright by Passion Pit

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‘Who I Am’..

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still, you hear me when I’m calling…

‘Who I Am‘, Casting Crowns

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Oxymoron

For a liar to go to church is to be utmost true to oneself.

 

SONGTHEMOMENT: Lord Of Patience by Shai Linne feat. Melissa T.

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4-20: A Different Kind Of High

Apparently, it’s 4-20 today.

“Burn time”

I was appalled by the fact that such event existed and is celebrated. I have nothing against weed or whatever it is that someone may find pleasurable. As long as you don’t interfere with other people’s business; staying perfectly behaved and conscious, it’s okay. Puff smoke like a chimney.

Now that I’ve introduced the topic of discussion. Here’s my two cents about the matter. Note that I have never taken a hit before and not planning to anytime soon. The statements below depict the typical action and reaction of users (first quotation) as well as innocent beneficiaries (second quotation).

  • Do you want to take a hit?“. “No, thank you”. I’ll pass“. This is the ‘sharing‘ stage; the deal usually starts in this scenario. And most often than not it’s just blind generosity; people don’t want you to be a godforsaken drug addict, they’re just obliviously considerate. They want you to experience the high-delight.  Trouble is when you decline.
  • Come on man. Try it”. “No it’s alright. I’m good. Thanks for sharing..” This is the “persistence” stage which comes in three waves. The first wave is very subtle; a slight urge to double-check on double-takers. If the user is sensible, the offer would be declined.
  • Just one hit, man. Don’t be a buzzkill”. “…”. The second wave is the part where stubborn meets stoned. And this is usually when when the beneficiary is put on the spot for refusing; it gets ugly at this phase. And depending on the degree of high and current mood of the user, an argument can arise. Consequently, people tend to give in at this point.
  • Why not?”. *Explains* This is the confrontation stage; the part where a rebuttal is conceived. To ask me the first time is completely fine. But when I have to reiterate several times to try and convince you that I’m just not into that sort of stuff, I get really ticked off. Most of the time, one’s counter will baffle the user leading into repetitive interrogation.
  • “Life is short. Do it for the experience. It wont hurt. It’s not addictive”. “…”. This is the third wave of the ‘persistence‘ stage; a cliche dialogue to try and lure you to temptation. Life is certainly short, and shorter if you get screwed on that junk. Neither, does it make you live longer. There’s loads of other experiences more worthwhile than that stuff. If you really want to experience life, try skydiving or something. Sure it doesn’t hurt, you may even say it’s improves health. But if you’re taking a drug supposedly for the ill, that just makes you sick. I don’t believe it’s not addictive because if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t bother smoking it.

Weed is just not my thing. And that should be a perfectly viable excuse. No further doubts whatsoever.

I get dismayed when people automatically start to clash weed and Christianity together. Like the reason I don’t do it is because of sheer abstinence due to my faith. Yes, I abstain from such things; not just because it’s bad. But also because I believe in a potent form of happiness. Not something I steam out of my mouth and nostrils. I am better than that. People are better than that.

Your high don’t last forever.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Youth by Daughter

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