‘Who I Am’..

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind. Still, you hear me when I’m calling…

- ‘Who I Am‘, Casting Crowns

Mooning

What could you be thinking on the edge of a third floor window? My friend was thinking about an experience.

Of life and death.

The eye of the moon was leering as if to demand a reply. He stood there, in trance of the light; mesmerized into contemplation of, not suicide. But an abrupt encounter with death. A quick glimpse, a few words, a short breath of the grim. Because, he believed (I believe) that Death can tell you a thing or two about life.

Weird as seems, he’s always had his moments with the moon. A sort of lunar influence that causes his mind to exhaust itself without his knowing. And the moon have always had this mysterious sequel with people. It just so happens that he’s one of them.

It would’ve been a perfect portrait of death if he had died under the beam of the moon. As if to spotlight his grand exit. You see, nightfall is the most ideal time to die. No witnesses. Just the mo0n.

He stood there in the middle of a potent conversation with the moon. His feet on the ledge, out of the window. And as he was climbing up, his fingers froze; rendering his accidental decline. The fall was almost gracious. He saw the moon on the way down, not spiraling but descending. He was calm, almost at peace; no screams nor sense of panic. I don’t know if his life flashed before his eyes. But whatever he saw, that is for him to know.

His sweet downfall was made bitter by gravity. He closed his eyes for 30 seconds. And those 30 seconds could might as well be purgatory. For 30 seconds he wasn’t alive nor dead. Until he opened his eyes to find himself planted on the bushes. Alive, breathing, smiling. “I did it, I finally did it.” He whispered to a friend.

Similar things happen to people but sometimes have different outcomes. Falling from the third floor rendered a man with a broken arm and leg. Not to mention a fractured skull. Him, on the other hand ruptured his thighs with a leg bent over backwards. Difference is his wasn’t permanent. Lucky. But don’t never tell him that.

These kind of experiences are most profound, I suppose. Whatever death told him on the way down must be meaningful for the rest of life. Death might as well have said, “This is life. This is as easy as you can lose it. Take it and live it. So long as I feel generous.” But then again, a painful price is paid when visiting Death.

He’s currently learning how to walk again. And when he does, may his walk be different and his path straight.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Ghost by Gabrielle Aplin

Making Matter

It’s become a tragic fact that I’ve been increasingly ignorant of people. People who matter. It’s an oblivious feeling that clouds my mind   when I’m supposed to be thinking of them. It’s not because I genuinely don’t care for them. But it’s more of sense of slight triviality.

A simple phone call. A little message in your inbox. A quick hello. Nil.

It’s alarming. Yes, because to engage people for your own purposes seems a bit selfish, doesn’t it?

So here’s to caring a little bit more.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Scientist by Coldplay

X and Y

When you love your friends as much as you love your other friends..

It could get messy.

Because when you’re dealing with two different people coming from contrasting worlds; opposing individuals with distinctive characteristics, they can collide. And you’re there stuck in the middle. Squashed.

We were watching a certain blockbuster movie of a flying tin can, a godly hammer and striped sweatsuit (to name a few) and initially, it was a guys night out (or something..?) It was an epic serum mixture of geek-ish little kids + superheroes. But when you add sugar and spice to the concoction, you don’t need Chemical X for a reaction to happen.

Basically, group X is a bunch of straight up jacks that represents my comically reserved character. They personify my inner-kid; my company on all sorts of monkey business. While group Y is the shade of mild rebelliousness. And perhaps a hint of female attraction. I love them both to bits. But sometimes bits and pieces don’t puzzle in together. Don’t get  me wrong, this might not be the case in every circumstance. It’s just unfortunate that it is for me.

I wanted to high-five my boys every time they pummel a helpless goon; exchange significant Marvel factoids. I wanted to hang with my girlfriends some more; loitering carelessly without abandon. But I can’t do both because they can’t do both of me.

This is not a whining rant on how I’m so goddam popular and every one wants a piece of me. This is a slight realization that I maybe living a double standard life.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Sweet Disposition (Cover) by Ellie Goulding

Same Old, Same

There’s a peculiar feel about being home. Maybe because I know  that in some way I’m somehow a tad bit different and altogether slightly the same. And that it will inevitably change my perception of home. Still a genuine notion persists which makes home, well, home.

Upon arrival the following are simple practicalities which assured me of the fact that I am really home. Not because it’s completely unalike from my previous destination but because it’s how it really is.

1. People. If you have ever been in an airport it’s no doubt that you are most likely to encounter a long busy queue. But whether it’s a primary attribute of an airport or a specific aspect of rumbling air stations, individuals cutting the line with sheer disregard for people stuck in a rowed dilemma is unforgivable. Local airport officials telling off boneheads; tending to people of status and blatantly ignoring minorities. Definitely smells like home cooking.
2. Racy oversight. I was at passport control when this arab man behind the booth went like, ‘Yakhi, open you’re eyes..’, bloody hell. Are you serious? I could only manage a snicker of contempt. No regard for ethnic euphemisms of any sort, I can never think of anything more inconsiderate. What a considerable welcome greeting.
3. Heat wave. Seriously, I’ve anticipated hateful warmth in regards to this desert climate. But, goodness. It’s so goddam hot. Like, I feel as if my skin is broiling under sun rays. Not a gentle breeze was subtle enough to blow by. And it’s only the month of May, imagine the coming days.
4. Friends. The thing about leaving is the part when you come back. You’re never sure whether things have stayed the same between you and you’re friendships. And it varies from person to experiences. But there are a handful that stays the same. Don’t matter whether it’s a quarter, a half or a dot of a person, as long as you can recognize.
5. Family. The ambiance of home certainly feels dodgy still, at the moment. But surely it should sink into me soon. I can already feel it animating in me.

I figured I might have to take my time in adjusting at home. Because right now, everything is still kind of weird. People, places, me. I do know one thing, that somehow behind all the sunny innuendos, everything feels right in place.

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Islands by The XX

Home

Traversing through miles of land and water could never outdo the feeling of being home. Because when everything counts the journey, here the value is in the destination.

And it’s so goddam hot.

:p

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Flume by Bon Iver

Homebound

Almost seven months of being deprived of family. Finally, I’m a sleep away from home.

Peg City, you’ve been good to me. You held off your frozen tempers at the height of winter and you blew spring breeze unto me. Your folks have been nothing short of friendly, true to their Manitoba colors. And for that, I say “thank you”.

Honestly, I’ve had quite an experience upon staying at theses ends for some time. I learned how to be independent (somehow). I was taught how to mow the lawn, shovel snow and other important lie skills needed for the road to success. Lol. But seriously, I got sloshed, blew out my money, lied and cheated. I lost myself. But only to know myself better. My stay at this humble city wasn’t a walk in the park. The road was bumpy and harsh. But I tread on for this moment.

Almost there.

Thank you Winnipeg and Winnipeg-ers.

See you until fall! Have an immense summer. Aye!

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Wheel by John Mayer

‘The List’ Pt. 2

Nothing is simpler than nonsense. Seriously. I present to you..

‘List B: The Nonsensical List’

This the checklist for all the unnecessary things that possess no actual ulterior motive; it’s either downright ridiculous or explicitly ludicrous. As silly as it seems, doing these foolhardy stuff will not necessarily improve the enjoyment level of my summer. But to not do so can make all the time I have in my hands feel like an utter waste.

• Watch any film trilogy. Lord of the Rings, Godfather, Matrix, Back To The Future.
• Watch the complete Star Wars saga. compelled by the force.
• Adopt a movie fanatic persona. This means being an actual Star Trooper
• Learn how to make a proper sandwich. Because a Nutella sandwich is too mainstream. Too good nonetheless.
• F.R.I.E.N.D.S. An addiction for a classic comedic drug.
• Make a Twitter account. Because I actually think I have something to say.
• Have a solid set of abs. Egotistic but  better than a flat belly.
• Watch the Avengers. Three times. And maybe one more time.
• DIY Tank Top. I have lots of Ts with lousy sleeves.
• Graffiti. Vandalize walls with profound verses of moral disposition.

Just like the previous list, this slate will expand in the coming days as I can’t put all the bonehead ideas into draft in one writing.

There’s a certain degree of danger that this list brings to the equation in regards to the prior agenda. Because, these items require no motivation nor effort. Also, it could get me arrested. But hey, if the other lineup doesn’t work out, at least I can hold onto something when in need of a sense of accomplishment.

Because summer can’t be the glorious season that it is if you didn’t have luxury to do all the nutty stuff that time deprived you from experiencing. The secret to perfecting this list is probably, procrastination. But the key thing is to keep it to a minimum- which is the challenge.

:p

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Stay Useless by Cloud Nothings

‘The List’ Pt. 1

A summer paradox exists when holiday blueprints are not seen to completion. I’m talking about that list of summer activities and plans that people jot down in their less lucid minds when they’re on a pre-summer high; excited to sheer delusion that they fail to accomplish whatever is on that checklist. I should know. I had a first hand experience.

You see, people want to do many certain things. Purposeful, academic, fun etc. But when you’re at the heat of the moment, time can arbitrarily dupe you into thinking that the moment is infinite. Summer is not infinite. It kills numbers in the calendar; it’s a mere part of a seasonal cycle. So I’m putting on my sunny wayfarers and make sure I see things through.

…

This is ‘List A: The Commonsensical List‘.

The Commonsensical List is one the two lists I made. It’s comprised of goal-oriented items that has purposive benefits. It consists of life-altering schemes; skill-building objectives and habitual inceptions. Not to mention blog improvements. Achieving any of these goals will prove the stretch of the summer as productive; not just plain old fun.

• Learn how to swim. I can’t swim for my life. I want to know how to, at least float. An ability to swim is a crucial survival skill. I need this. Just in case I drown. :p
• Cook. I’d like to be able to make edible things out of my bare hands. Knife skills for stabbing purposes too. Being at home also gives me an opportunity to learn how to cook wicked Filipino delicacies. Maybe even kebabs!
• Learn how to use a DSLR. Ownership of a highly adept camera involves understanding advanced imaging jargon. Hopefully, I can use one to it’s utmost potential.
• Post more pictures in this blog. Just  in case the above doesn’t work out. I’m prepared to use other pictorial instruments. Doesn’t matter if it’s Instagram or Snap Seed. I just need to make the shot!
• Decide my future career. This includes choosing a specific major to pursue and a university to hone my academic skills.
• Work on my journalistic skills. I need to learn how to write better. Concise matter of talk and simplify the message of the subject. etc.
• Immerse on subjects of sport. I need to to bask myself in various sport events. Read anything and everything that is related to sports. After all, I want to be a sports journalist.
• Read books. I have to oblige myself to eat words with my eyes and digest them with my mind. And maybe, learn to enjoy it.
• Get back to the Gospel. I need to build my faith back up again. Repentance is a major aspect I have to work on. My spiritual frame is battered and bruised. A good intervention is due.
• Learn how to play an instrument. Damn, I’ve had this thing on my list for as long as the beginning as ever since!

And just to keep things simple. A minimum of five goals must be met to ensure a worthwhile summer.

Of course, I can’t name all the things I want to do for the holiday in one sitting. So the list will have further additions overtime when I think of them. Hopefully, my bright new found awareness will change things and bring forth results on my part. I’d really like to make the best out of this summer and this will be my master plan.

(Y)

SONGOFTHEMOMENT: Plans For The Future by Said The Whale

On Repeat: Ben Howard

I laughed. Then I listened.